As an Executive Leadership coach, I’ve seen a LOT of communication FAILURES!
People misunderstand one another. Their own biases and fears and insecurities get involved. And things spiral out of control.
But I’ve found that when leaders do just ONE thing, their conversations almost always turn around for the BETTER.
What is that one thing?
>>>> Communicating Your INTENTIONS <<<<
The thing is, when people don’t know our intentions, they will ASSUME what they are.
And usually, people’s assumptions are not quite as generous or optimistic as we’d like them to be.
So, how do we mitigate this? How do we save a conversation that’s starting to spiral downward? How do we pivot a conversation that’s heating up and becoming unproductive and even harmful?
FIRST.
Make sure you’re clear about your own intentions in the conversation. What are your intentions? What do you REALLY want? If your intentions actually AREN’T good, you have to start with yourself. Find how to make them better.
SECOND.
If (and once) your intentions are for the good of all involved, communicate those intentions. Come out of the JAB-JAB-PUNCH of the conversation long enough to tell your team member: “I recognize this is a point of tension. The reason why I want to have this conversation is…” OR, “I know this is a hard thing to talk about. What I really want for us in this conversation is…”
THIRD.
Operate from a clear, mutual understanding of intentions. When your intentions are good and the other person knows it, it disarms them. At this point, you can navigate the rest of the conversation together. Once there is less ambiguity around assumptions and intentions, you can begin to work WITH each other rather than AGAINST each other. And you can find a solution.
Communication doesn’t have to be a mystery and it doesn’t have to be scary. It also doesn’t have to be a game of chance (I wonder how this conversation will go?).
It can be SUCCESSFUL when you begin with good intentions and then communicate those intentions clearly.