I was leading a retreat recently, and the Controller of the organization shared with me after the training:
“I’m a very introverted person. I’ve been through a LOT of these trainings. But I want you to know, I’ve never talked as much in a training as I did in this one. This was so valuable. I appreciate how you allowed our agenda to be the priority and not your agenda. You made it ok for us to share and talk about things. I’m glad you created a space for us to do that. It was so needed.”
I SO appreciated that feedback. This is my hope and what we work to create in every coaching session, every retreat, every training program we do with our clients.
But one thing made me sad—that this was the FIRST time in all the many trainings he had experienced, that he actually felt free to share and felt really listened to!
This kind of situation happens in many leadership training contexts.
It’s not any malicious behavior.
It just that people will feel silenced by the loudest contributors in the group when there isn’t intentional space made for them.
It happens in other contexts too. I’m sure you’ve been in a meeting where 20% of the people did 80% of the talking, right? Maybe you were one of those people who felt that you couldn’t speak up…
Or…maybe you chose NOT to speak up because there was already too much chaos in the room. Maybe you didn’t want to waste your time or energy because no one was really listening.
The reality is: introverted, quiet people are WILLING TO SHARE.
But we (extroverts, talkers) have to CREATE a SPACE that is safe for them to share without our INTERRUPTING them, TALKING OVER them, or TRYING TO FINISH their sentences. *Can I get an amen?*
It’s such a lesson as a leader, and it applies to our day-to-day work.
We need to slow down and really be present with people. Listen not just to WHAT they’re saying but WHY they’re saying it. And also what they may NOT be saying.
This can totally transform RELATIONSHIPS and RESULTS.
The things this Controller shared—his team benefited from hearing!
This is why it’s important for leaders to focus on these things:
● Safety (make it safe for them to share)
● Respect (demonstrate respect for them regardless of what they say)
● Pacing (be willing to slow down and slow the group down to really listen)
● Alignment (seek to understand, not just to reply)
● Curiosity (don’t assume you understand too quickly, keep asking questions and avoid making judgments)
We can do better as leaders to make sure all our team members feel included. The whole team will be better for it!
If you recognize this as an area of growth for you or your team, I’d love to work together to transform YOUR relationships and results. Contact me to set up a time to talk!